Two weeks ago, I said goodbye to a familiar friend by turning off the voice of my “GPS lady” and driving the streets of my new city solo.  Her voice had become a comforting companion, helping me navigate the tangle of one-way streets and tram crossings as I tried to adjust to my new home.  It felt like it was the right time to say goodbye and maybe find some new (real) friends. However after the third international move in the past 10 years, I find myself wondering, is it really safe to settle in?

When we first started our international journey in 2009, I enthusiastically embraced our new home.  I loved where we lived and got right down to the task of forming friendships, trying to improve my language skills and integrating into the new life my family had adopted. I didn’t focus much on long-term security and what living internationally would really mean.  After all, our plan was to live overseas for a few years and then move back home.

But like many expats, one post led to another and still a third.  I have packed and unpacked, said goodbye to dear friends because they moved and because I moved.  I have sent my son to university in a different continent and asked my daughter to adjust to a third school setting.

So I guess it’s not entirely surprising that, with this move, I have been more apprehensive about settling in.  I love our new city and want to embrace it with a full heart. But I’m scared and reluctant to like it too much, to make friends, to fully commit.

I think the difference is that, with time, I have a come to realize more fully what it means to live away from my home country and lead a life that involves a lot of change and transition.  There is the excitement of meeting new people and seeing new places. But with that comes the sting of having to say goodbye and the longing for the familiar. There is the buzz you get from looking past what is safe and following your dreams. But with that comes a level of insecurity, fear and vulnerability.

At the beginning of our international journey I thought a lot about what we gain from increased mobility, but now I am very aware of what is lost as well.

Yet living overseas feels right to me somehow. I am not ready to move home just yet.  Like many expats I find myself wondering, “What is the answer? How do find the courage to settle in when I’m not sure when I will have to say goodbye?”

I find that the simple process of identifying the dilemma and acknowledging the fear it brings  helps. Looking at the intricacy of our life choices, examining things gained and those lost, brings a level richness to our lives. The longing for a life full of experience is one of the reasons I have chosen a path that is often changing and uncertain.  Yes, to settle in means to risk being hurt but to remain disengaged means to turn away from wonderful people and experiences.

I hope that saying goodbye to my GPS friend will help me start making some new and more fulfilling relationships.  I need to trust myself, knowing I might get a little lost, and use the many skills I have developed since moving. I will find my way.

How about you?  How have you settled into your new home? What have you gained and lost from your life overseas?  I would love to hear your story.

We have arrived. After months of discussing, looking, planning, packing and anticipating our move, we are finally here..

So what now? The prospect of settling into a new country that seemed so exciting months ago now seems overwhelming and insurmountable. Everything is new. Nothing is set up. Decisions about details great and small — from buying a car to choosing which shelf we should use for the plates –rattle around in our heads.

And behind those decisions lie the bigger questions – will the kids like their new school?, will this job be a good one?, will I make friends?, why are we doing this?, will this be ok?

So how does one start building a life in a new country? Where do you begin when everything needs doing and fear and worry are nipping at your heels?

While the best way differs for everyone, my instinct now (during our third move in the past 10 years) is to start small and slow. When I read stories about expats that don’t leave their house for the first 3 weeks I think, “Yeah, so? What’s wrong with that?”  Venture out slowly if you need to or jump in and get out and explore. There is no right way to do this.

We are like swimmers on the beach that watch the big waves approaching with anticipation, only to get tossed around, washing machine style. It takes some time to get up, wipe the salt water out of our eyes, check to make sure we are in one piece and try to walk gracefully up the beach again.

Don’t take the basic needs for granted. Sleep, eat, reflect, give it time if possible. Celebrate each small triumph – I figured out how to pump gas!, how to make a phone call!, where to get a good coffee!

Try to keep the faith. There will be days when this all feels like a huge mistake. When you are lonely and wonder if you will ever feel connected, when your kids tell you that you ruined their lives. But those are feelings, not necessarily facts. As you build your new life, piece by piece remember that in this big big world, there are others like you, putting their lives together in new places. We are a global community of expats and can support one another.

So what about you? How do you feel when you first move to a new place? What helps in your transition? How do you cope when you are feeling lost?

I would love to hear from you.

Welcome to my website! Thank you for taking the time to visit. This is a work in progress and I welcome input about what might make it better.

I developed this site for several reasons. First, I wanted a place to house the resources I have found in my exploration of expat life and expat identity. During several of my moves, I have struggled by myself to find others who are experiencing the same feelings, doubts and worries. Once I started exploring, however, I found a lot of helpful books, websites and groups that discuss the emotional side of living overseas.

The second reason is to create a sense of connection. One of the things I love most about living overseas is the people I meet. Living with expats often means you meet a self-selected group of people who share a love of travel and interest in different cultures but who also understand the search for a place that’s “home” and the longing for stability and connection. I have found embracing the “Third Culture” or the group of people who have chosen to live overseas as a great source of strength and energy in the process.

And lastly, I believe that resources plus connection lead to ideas and energy. My best moments as an expat have been connecting with people, discussing ideas and sharing experiences. By doing this, we can all live full and purposeful lives no matter where we are in the world.

So again, welcome. I will be blogging, reviewing books, giving talks and hoping to hear from you as we explore the world together!